The Mysterious Potato Cravings - A Major Crimes Fanfic
by AlindaRaydor
Summary: My very first fanfic! I was informed that the new thing on the block is shipping Potaydor, and I found some serious inspiration in it! Leave a review, tell me how dumb or awesome you thought it was, and I'll hopefully get more chapters uploaded for you guys! :D Enjoy! -Alinda
1. Chapter 1

Raydor and the Potater'

My first published fanfic. Please enjoy, and don't be too harsh! . I've never put my writing out there for anyone to read before!

Forgive me, this is definitely a crackfic.

* * *

Lunch time: a daily routine for normal human beings. Some choose to eat light and quick, while others ... find themselves deeply saturated in the interest of every meal.

The L.A.P.D. cafeteria was scheduled to be producing a highly greasy meal today, one that many officers were waiting in a long lunch line for. Such a crowd in the building was only common to see when it was common knowledge that the serving of the day was a delicious one. Almost everyone in the building would be standing patiently to eventually recieve the juicy tater tots, the whole spuds, and the beloved mashed potatos and gravy. _Everyone _awaited each day of the month where lunch time was like this.

Except Captain Sharon Raydor.

Darth Raydor herself refused to partake in the feasting of a highly-carbed food, one that might ruin how glamorous and young she looked. Between her appearance and her favorite salad dish she packed every morning, her usual habits weren't exactly getting her anywhere in the romance department of her life, as well as sitting in her office during her lunch hour allowed her time to catch up on all her overdue paperwork that Internal Affairs could bust her door down for not turning in on time. Ironic.

At the thought of her love life, she realized her fabulousness didn't do her any good in attracting Lieutenant Andy Flynn's attention, not that Sharon was all that interested in dating someone lower than her in the chain of command in the police department. Her husband had shown up again, obviously after something more than some fun in her bed. The only other occurrence of anyone showing sexual interest was that fifteen year old boy that was involved in the case with the victim who was transgendered from a week ago. That memory of that girl and the tragedy brought some nausea to her stomach. Sharon decided to keep her mind off of it and focus on work.

A large pile of paperwork had found its way into the drawer where Brenda used to keep her candy stash. Pulling the drawer open with her left hand, she held herself up with her right hand on top of the desk. In a few moments, she couldn't understand why she had let this drawer of papers get so heavy and full.

_"What have I done?", _Sharon wondered about her neglegance to the order of her desk and job materials. One long sigh, and then to her work went her mind.

After taking out the first few files on the top of the pile, her first instinct was to reach for her reading glasses, that normally fit into the auburn magical hair above her head or somewhere nearby in a pocket, but for some reason, they were missing from her office completely.

Never fear! Darth Raydor is on the case!

Upon entering the office area of the Major Crimes department, she first thought to look to see if anyone in the room might have noticed where she misplaced her glasses. With everyone off to lunch, the only two people still in the room were Rusty and Buzz, whom were deep into his homework, studies, and learning.

"Have you seen my glasses?", the motherly figure interrupted, causing Rusty to take the opportunity in hand.

"Uhm, not recently ..." Rusty paused for a moment, taking a short moment to think, while Buzz gave him a strange look. "But I think one of the Lieutenants said he saw you drop them, picked them up, and would give them to you after lunch!" Rusty jumped out of his chair and flew a hand up in the air as if he were a mad scientist or something. Sharon blew it off.

"You wouldn't happen to remember which lieutenant it was, would you? I need to finish off a lot of paperwork soon." The concern in her voice sounded more like Captain Raydor than Sharon.

"Sorry, I can't remember." Rusty shrugged his shoulders and waited for her to leave.

"Thanks anyway, Rusty." Carefully, she smiled, then turned and walked away. Sharon decided not to interrupt his important education for the moment.

Buzz raised an eyebrow in suspicion, as if he knew something suspicious was going on. "Rusty, what was that about?" He put the pencil down and shut the book next to it, waiting for his boss to leave earshot of their conversation.

"It's nothing important", Rusty shook off.

"Ha, no." The man sitting in front of him with brown-spiky hair and a flanel shirt smirked sheepishly at the teen boy, knowing that there was more than met the eye with the story in front of him. "What's the deal?"

"Can't tell you, Provenza will kill me", Rusty used as a lack of reason.

"Rusty, that's a really poor excuse. I've been working in this department with criminals, who lie better than that, longer than you've been studying high school Algebra." With that Check mate, the young blonde boy's expression broke into a cute little fear. "Now tell me, what is going on."

Ashamed, Rusty pulled Sharon's glasses out of his bag, and jokingly, to lighten up the mood, put them on his own nose and began making faces.

"Why do you have the Captain's glasses? She just asked for them!"

"Don't yell! She might hear you!" He quickly and carefully placed them back in his backpack, making sure no one else had witnessed what he did. "Its part of some plan Provenza is doing to get her to go to the cafeteria for lunch for some reason, I don't know why or what for, but I just know I got promised fifty bucks and free access to the really nice printer when I need it for school reports and papers!"

All Buzz could do to that response was facepalm, and dream about being somewhere else, and continue to tutor the young and troubled boy ...

Heading for the elevator, the Captain ran into Lieutenant Sanchez, making a failed attempt to hit on D.D.A. Rios, whom was looking a little "too" classy for her own good today. Something seemed escew about the sight of the arrogant lawyer on this particular occassion. Emma seemed to be extremely resistant towards Julio's flattery today for some reason, as if she were in a hurry. Sharon really didn't want to get involved, and rushed through them as quick and politely as possible.

"Excuse me", Sharon pardoned.

"No problem, mam", Detective Sanchez greeted with charm and a head nod, smiling brightly, despite his current brawl with Rios.

Rolling her eyes with fake glamour, Emma muttered "Captain" with a lack of spirit in the tone of her throat.

Walking away from the scene, the wonderful Captain in her black pencil skirt and white blouse of ultimate style without turning back once to look, commented in a sassy voice, "Good to see your mug-shot face too, Rios!" Sharon regretted that she lacked the time to stop and see the shock and anger on the D.A.'s face. She swore she heard a small chuckle come from Sanchez.

Wanting to avoid the star-crossed lover quarrel any further, Sharon eagerly attempted to get into an elevator, as far away from them, as possible.

To her demise, busting into the elevator doors only flooded a scent into her nostrils of a familiar vegetable, one that made her stomach growl and moan like a tiger's thunder. It was in that moment, she knew she was starving for one lucky Potato, and would give up all hopes of finding her glasses.


	2. Chapter 2 - Potato, potahto

I appreciate the reviews, I really do! The pictures on Tumblr have been extremely awesome and great for inspiration! You guys are awesome! I hope this story makes it worthwhile! While this is my first published fic, I dare say it is not my _only fic._ As always, I love criticism, but please be gentle!

* * *

The thought of her stomach craving human fuel that consisted of more than just carrot food, Sharon decided she would at least take a peek at the serving of the day. Graciously and with elegance, she casually stepped out of the elevator, suddenly alarmed by all of her fellow employees at the L.A.P.D. department in line for the midday serving of food. With the amount of police officers and L.A.P.D staff standing around, the witty redhead Captain observed her left and her right. On her left stood Jack Raydor in line, waving obnoxiously while showing the smirk grin on his face. To her right remained her squad, much closer to the front of the line, appearing to be in an interesting conversation, laughs and sarcastic comments included. The Captain did not need to be a detective to know which side of the line would benefit her craving and headache more.

Casually approaching her squad, she resisted all urge to turn back and view what sleazy faces he continued to make, meanwhile walking into a calm conversation about Lieutenant Andy Flynn's health. Lieutenant Provenza offered a sincere smile that once hid displeasing feelings towards her work with Internal Affairs, while Lieutenant Tao and Detective Sanchez stood by in a smaller conversation, explaining different affects of situations in hand-to-hand combat to Detective Sykes. The shorter man carefully moved to make room in their small group for Sharon as she nodded politely at him, stepping forward and making herself part of their little crowd.

"Ah, Captain, good afternoon!" Provenza greeted his boss with his usual smoothness. "What brings you away from your desk today?" The white haired man casually dropped his question, rolling his eyes in disgust at her husband, waving his hand above everyone else's hands.

Tongue in her cheek, Sharon hesitated to say anything in regards to her current food taste. "Well, Lieutenant, I seem to have lost my glasses." Flynn stood next to his partner, carefully nodding their head's together in one motion. Sharon recognized how awfully quiet Andy remained, resisting looking her in the eye while his brown iris's continued to wander anywhere but towards her. Raising an eyebrow of suspicion and curiosity, Sharon also added,"Rusty said he was sure on of the team members picked them up to return to me later, so I had this notion I should come down and ask my squad."

"I think Flynn picked them up and put them in his desk, so they would be safe from harm." Louie, turning slowly in his old age toward his partner, who shared similar appearance traits and features, gave his taller friend a certain gaze that meant mischief. Andy pulled at his suit jacket, stuttering once or twice before reassuring her that her uniquely-framed lenses were safe and sound.

"Yes, Captain, I picked up your glasses. They should be in the top drawer on the left." Lieutenant Provenza urged him on as if he were a schoolboy needing a wing-man to ask a cute girl to the dance. "I-I Uhm, didn't want something bad to happen to them, so I put them there and figured I would just get them back to you after lunch. I'm sorry if I wasted your time." Sharon sighed in disappointment that she wouldn't be able to stay and have lunch for a bit, the sight of tin-foil wrapped baked potatoes being placed out in the cafeteria through the doors, and returned to facing the nervous Lieutenant.

"I'm just glad they are safe. Thank you, boys." Sharon turned as her auburn strand of beauty flipped around her neck, safely landing on the back of her dress like always.

"Captain!", Sykes loudly shouted, alarming almost everyone in the room. "Do you want to have lunch with us?" She appeared to beam friendly expressions, while Provenza attempted to put a stop to Amy intervening with his devious plans.

"The Captain has important work to do, Detective. Even you should know that!" The team stood by and watched Sharon as she nearly whimpered for one little bite of a cooked potato serving.

Sharon took one large shrug, slowly twirling back around to contemplate whether she could risk falling even farther behind in her work to get a taste of her delicious spud entrees. In her heart, she knew it could wait. "I'm sorry, I would love to stay here and have a lovely lunch with you all, but I need to catch up on my paperwork before Commander Taylor comes stomping into my office. Maybe next time!"

Using all of her willpower, Sharon walked away and rushed into the first open elevator, cursing at herself for falling so far back into her duties as captain. Once pushing the button to the Major Crimes department floor, she leaned against the back wall, hands on the railing, and released a large amount of air from her lungs in her own frustration.

"What do you think you're doing?!", the wise and experienced police officer yelled at Detective Sykes.

"I was ... being polite towards the Captain?" Sykes shook her head in confusion, rustling her ponytail a bit as she slightly squinted her eyes at her superior officer.

Louie pinched the bridge of his nose, hoping that his headaches and worries might go away eventually. "Ugh ... Flynn, call Rusty and make sure he puts the note and the glasses in the right spot."

Phone to his ear, Andy whispered,"Already calling him."

* * *

Suddenly, Sharon jumped as an arm flew through the closing metal doors of the elevator, causing them to reopen after sensing movement. "Hey, Sharon, wait!", shouted Jack, barely making it into the lift.

Sharon rolled her eyes as the door shut behind him. "Yes, Jack?"

"Did you want me to bring you up some lunch? I think I remember that someone has a love for those taters!" A smug smirk grew across his lips, noticing how desperate she appeared to get her hands on at least a few fries for her lunch break.

"That would be so nice of you ... what's the catch?" His _wife _doubtfully sneered at his random proposition of kindness, which she sensed his offer hinted at Jackson wanting something in return.

His eyes jumped wide open at her reaction to his intended politeness. "What? What catch?"

She gave him the _Darth Raydor_ glare. "You know exactly what I mean."

A dinging noise came from the elevator shaft as Sharon quickly stepped off on her floor, her husband following after.

"No, Sharon, I don't. All I want is to get along with you, alright?" He gently rested his palm on her shoulder to stop her from rushing away from their conversation. "Don't give me anything in return, okay?"

Giving him the okay nod, Jack cleared himself out of the Captain's way and moseyed back downstairs to the cafeteria.

Taking a deep breath, she walked into the squad room and carefully examined, watching Rusty and Buzz extremely concentrated on his current homework for summer school, preceding to search for her glasses in Lieutenant Flynn's desk. "_Why didn't he just find me and return them to me?", _the middle-aged police officer thought to herself with intellectual thought.

Pulling open the drawer that the Lieutenant stated was the location of her reading glasses, a note was folded into the legs of her eyeglass frames, carefully put into an envelope. Sharon reached her hand down and plucked out her spectacles, as well as the message with her name written across the front. She decided she would read it in her office and begin to reduce the size of her work pile.

She stepped into her office calmly, tearing the top fold of the note, preceding to yank out whatever message rested inside. Her eyes sparkled as she put on her frames and began to skim the note. Once finished, she folded it back into place, shoving it into the inside pocket of her dark grey cardigan.

Sharon sat down and focused on her work, plowing through almost half of her pile in thirty minutes.

Thirty minutes later, Jack Raydor came back tapping on her office door.

If it weren't for the bag of food in his hand, she might have just ignored him.

"What is it?"

He grinned widely and said "Potatoes, your favorite kind". Recklessly, Jack pushed up his sleeves and tossed the bag onto her desk, almost causing a mess of her piles of paper. "You're welcome, Sharon." Without another word, her husband left the room, and she didn't give another thought to him.

She separated the sides of the thin and flimsy bag, peeking in to see what remained inside. She smiled.

Picking out the Mr. Potato Head and the large order of fries, Sharon Raydor suddenly felt very glad to be having an unhealthy lunch.

* * *

Fin. Chapter Two.


	3. Chapter 3 - A late night snack

Guys, this chapter, we're going on a feels trip. I took a little longer to finish this one, and that's my bad, but I think the good writing and cheesy feelings in this one are so worth it.

I shall shut up and let the feels commence.

* * *

Sharon returned home for the night to her apartment after another tough case at work. It seemed as though most night she started coming home extremely late. Things changed when she agreed to become the leader of the Major Crimes department. More convictions, another murder, and their D.D.A. Emma Rios, who seemed to loathe nothing more than her relationship with Rusty.

Tonight, the apartment remained very calm and still. Jack finally left, and she tore up the note he left behind. She told herself she would never deal with him again. But she knew, just like always, they would cool down, he'd come back around when he needed a place to stay again, and just like always, she'd fall for his charms again.

Taking deep breaths, she entered the dark kitchen, opening the fridge and giving light into the room. She tip-toed carefully, slowly tugging at the door latch on the fridge, not wanting to wake Rusty if he was already asleep. At first, her instinct was to grab the wine bottle and pour a fabulous glass, read some poetry or maybe watch another episode of that fascinating sci-fi show, Battlestar Galactica, then retire to her room for the night. Until of course, she remembered the grocery bag she brought home the night.

Snatching the brown bag out of her fridge, she giggled with her ideas of a quick dinner. Maybe mashed potatoes? Or diced potato pieces? She could even prepare a soup for the next day's lunch. Sharon Raydor loved potatoes.

After dumping about twenty, maybe thirty potatoes onto the kitchen counter, she suddenly realized she _might _have gotten a little too excited about making herself a dinner, and feared that she could have woken Rusty up. However, it was too late. He quickly opened his door and ran out to see the commotion, smacking his forehead below his blonde bangs upon seeing what Sharon did to the kitchen.

"Sharon, what the hell are all these potatoes doing out here?!" Groggy and tired, he slowly started to put the taters that fell onto the floor back up top of the counter. The teen boy became convinced there were millions coming from that grocery bag.

"I ... got a little carried away. Figured I would enjoy a quick meal and prepare something for tomorrow's lunch!" Despite all the frustration from her long day of work, there was a spark of happiness in her voice. "I didn't think about how late it was, Rusty, I'm sorry I woke you."

Grumbling as he scratched the back of his neck, Rusty mumbled "Yeah, its fine, just don't make potatoes a habit ..." He rambled down the hall into the bathroom before going back to his room and his comfortable bed to sleep the rest of the night away.

Sharon inhaled a huge breath, releasing it as she wondered what she really wanted. _I should just divorce Jack, _she thought.

"Either he'll come around and change, or he will move on", she muttered.

Deciding to just make something quick, she took a knife from her set and made a cut in one side of the spud. Taking out a plate, she used it to place underneath her dinner as she microwaved it for a few minutes. Pulling back her auburn hair of unicorn magicalness from her face, she tip-toed into the bathroom to change into her pajamas and grab a ponytail. When she came back into the kitchen, she saw Rusty again, putting the finishing touches on her late night dinner.

"Here you go, just the way you like it." One hand clasped a fork while the other held out the offering of her plate.

"Thank you", she quietly commented.

"I thought since you were tired, I might quickly make you dinner so you could sit down for a bit, but obviously you already started cooking something".

She lightly giggled for a second. "I'm very grateful to have you, Rusty." Sharon grasped a stool from under the edge of the counter.

"You know, I think you're the first person to say that to me." He released the fork and plate into her hands, sitting down next to her at the little kitchen bar they often used for family meals for two.

"I mean it, Rusty", she sternly stated before taking a bite out of her potato. Her eyes gazed over him as a delightful feeling began filling the room.

"Sharon?"

"Yes, Rusty?"

"Thank you."

"Don't thank me. Just stay happy and stay safe."

Rusty smiled at her concern for him. "Stay safe, huh? I guess I can't get any less safe living with Darth Raydor", he joked at her.

Sharon couldn't hold in the urge to laugh at his comment, since it seemed very original and clever, while quite obvious at the same time. "Where did you come up with that?""

"Uh ... funny story." Rusty swallowed his spit before answering her question. "Provenza told me that's what they used to call you until Chief Johnson left. He said you were a real pain in the ass, but he said he honestly respects you now."

A bitter sweet grin crossed her lips. "Brenda ... I should see how she's doing at some point. Haven't heard from her in a long time."

"Were you two good friends?"

"No, but I would have liked to be. Because of my job as Internal Affairs, I never made a good 'first impression', Rusty." She looked down at her empty plate. _Wow, I ate that fast. _"But we learned to get along after a period of time." She stood from her seat and walked around counter to rinse her dishes in the sink before setting them down into a warm soap bath.

"Oh ... I just thought maybe you two were good friends and that's why you took over when she left." Rusty also stood as she walked back towards their rooms.

Nodding her head, Sharon said "That was one reason I took the job."

"If you wouldn't have taken the job ... would you have still taken me in as your foster child?"

"Rusty", she started to say. "I don't know what would have happened instead, but I am very glad that they happened the way they did."

"Me too." The teen boy commenced roaming back to his bedroom once last time for the night, just before turning back towards Sharon, who followed behind him.

They stood a few feet apart for a moment, just before the young and confused boy carefully stepped closer to his foster mother and wrapped his arms around her shoulders.

"Thank you for giving me your home", he softly cried into her shoulder.

"Thank you for giving me another child to love and raise." Sharon bit her lip, desperately fighting the urge to start crying as well. "You'll always be my son."

He raised his head, staring at her with the overjoy of a child on Christmas morning. "And you'll always be my mom?"

She smirked. "As long as you always stay safe."

* * *

End Chapter Three.


End file.
